did i ever tell you that story about a teensy-tiny fear that i had when my ex and i split up? the one where i irrationally put myself as the main character in a letskillthatnewneighbourgirl film. totes did it.
oh wait, it totes came true. well, kinda.
so after the db & i hit splitsville (enter sob story) i landed myself on my parents door step two small babes in tow with nowhere to go *insert violins* anywhoo, like the bees knees parents that i have, they took us in and i worked diligently towards finding a place for the babes and i to call our own. which i did.
it was in a tiny little hamlet 10 minutes from my parents. however, far from an actual town. set in the middle of a field that mimicked corn, but turns out it was just a bunch of weeds that turned into a mock swamp in the springtime. (funny story with the mock swamp that involved a car, ginormica horasaurus, and a db) anyhoot - moving on. imagine being all alone with two babes sleeping in, what seems, the darkest nights are upon you. where you can't hear/see anything. not many neighbours, not to mention,
theeee most irrational fears on the face of the planet. yes, i am a riddled with dramatic antics and succumb to paralyzing anxiety.
fast-forward to living in my own place for about 5 weeks. it's winter, cold, la-de-da! you can just picture it. 9pm. kids are sleeping & i was watching the bachelor,
alone. i'm sitting in a big comfy chair perusing
facebook the interwebz when i hear a wailing noise followed by something banging repeatedly at my side-door like i was the target for the newest LOUDEST serial killer, or children of the corn, on an escapade to taunt me, play with my like a predator plays with its food, finally catches me after a quick jaunt, then enter my irrefutable death.
i remember the exact moment and the emotions i felt. i wanted to die right there (dramatic right??). melt into the chair and act like there was nothing beating my door completely sane, right? or insane? who knows but this moment i was looking for anything to avert my attention from the incessant bashing noises coming from my door.
as i sit there, still, scenarios running through my mind (ridiculous ones) i slowly stand up. heart beating 23842342 miles a minute i creep towards the door. i closed my eyes, held my breath, and turned the sidelight on.
unsure as to what i was going to see when i opened my eyes. BAM! i hear/see her. i open the door and say "what's the matter how can i help you" (rational right?) then she proceeds to screech and roll around in my driveway. this was the moment, the moment i knew that i was safe. after she rolled around for a while, she got into a praying position against my deck and explained to me that she just found her boyfriend dead in the bottom of her tub "yousaidwhat!?" yes, that's right folks. my neighbour is dead in the bottom of his tub. &i'd like to share some other innocence shattering details but i'm such a giving person i shall spare you. but basically. dood is dead at the bottom of his tub due to a drug overdose.
so i ask, what i thought was a normal in this kind of situation, question. "did you call 911" after some more rolling around, i finally get out of her that they don't have a phone. again, "yousaidwhat?" so i run inside grab my phone and call 911. of course, i got the 238423 questions from the operator (btw, thanks mrs!). she asked if *I* could go next door and pull him out of the tub to perform CPR on him. again, i repeat, "yousaidwhat!?" so i said to her - "let me get this straight, you want me to leave my small children - alone - in their beds sleeping whilst i go over next door, which isn't close by the way, to a naked man in a bathtub whom has done (leaving this part out of the story) that i've never met, and touch him."
disclaimer: i am sorry to everyone who would jump right in there and help this person, but *i*..well i don't even do puke. i didn't know WHAT to do. so she sent the girlfriend, more or less i did, to go to him to see if there were any vital signs (she said he was dead, remember) while i ran to the end of my driveway to show the firetruck/ambulance which house this has all taken place.
when the firetruck pulled up, it was my good friend dougie. Hi Dougie!! he had a good chuckle at my expense. again, if you know me? poster child for finding myself in awkward situations.
turns out the guy did od and well he refused medical treatment. this is where i should insert don't do drugs mofos. on the plus side? i wasn't the the leading actress in a horror film and although my fears did come, somewhat, to fruition - i faced them. that's what i tell myself anyways!
roundhouse kicks.
i will tell you, i have since moved. i now live in town. a secured apartment building and here i shall stay. if someone knocks at my door in the middle of the night i.do.not.answer. pretty much if you know me? don't knock late at night fool you will not catch me,
kapeesh?
